Invisible People

While running between two of my current part-time jobs the other day I stopped by a convenience store to pick up some caffeine. I had started the day tired and working another six-hour shift on my feet required some artificial stimulation. As I entered the store the employee, a younger, blond-haired woman, gave me a cursory glance and acknowledgment of my presence (greeting seems a bit too strong for her response). I picked out my beverage and headed to the counter, where she joined me. She wasn’t rude by any means, just not particularly engaged in our transaction either. Who can blame her? I was another customer in a string of them buying a simple beverage.

While she rang up my purchase I asked her how her day was going and we began chatting about our work lives. As I talked with her, her demeanor changed from disinterested to engaged. I’m not going to say she came alive, that would be an overstatement. But she did seem to brighten in response to our conversation. It wasn’t anything in depth. We mostly commiserated about the challenges of working long shifts. But in that brief interaction we connected, just slightly, at a human level. I left feeling a small bit better and I hope that I left her also feeling just the slightest bit brighter.

My current economic situation has renewed my perspective on the people we interact with every day: the checkout people, shop employees, cleaning personnel, secretaries and administrative assistants, waitresses and waiters and so many others. They are the ones who do the basic tasks that keep society functioning on a daily basis, but how often do we stop to acknowledge their humanity? I’ve seen this in my job at a wine shop, where I serve people during our weekly wine tastings. Many of our customers treat me very well, talking with me as I come to their tables and engaging with me as a fellow human. The regulars take it a step further and we have begun to get to know one another, not in a deeply personal way but still with a stronger than casual connection. These types of interactions make the job enjoyable.

Then there’s the other group, the ones who come in, drink their wine and exchange barely a word with me. Certainly that is their right, and there may be something going on in their lives that influences their behavior at that moment, so I don’t want to be overly harsh in judgment. But these interactions leave me feeling empty, like I’m invisible. If I were replaced by a wine-pouring robot it wouldn’t matter to these customers. I don’t expect or ask for much, but I do appreciate it when my customers acknowledge my existence and affirm that I am more than a menial servant.

I have always sought to be conscious of “invisible” people, but my current situation has made me redouble my efforts to not interact with people as if they were invisible. I want to come away from every interaction I have with other people, as much as I possibly can, with the feeling that I connected with them on a human level. I want to leave them feeling like they are valued, worthy people, that their lives matter, that their contribution is appreciated. When I frequent a business regularly, such as the pizza shop near my dance studio, I try to learn the names of the employees so that I can connect with them still better, because learning a person’s name communicates that I see them as a unique, valuable individual, not just an anonymous employee. I look for points of human connection and share from my own life at a corresponding appropriate level.

We complain a lot about the loss of civility and about the breakdown in discourse in our society. Our culture is certainly changing and despite all the negative press there are many reasons to hope for a better future. I think we can take small, powerful steps to heal the dynamic between people in our society remembering that the people we interact with every day are also human, that they long for affirmation of their worth, of their contribution, of their significance. This alone won’t solve all the challenges we face, but it might make life more positive for a lot of people. Will you join me? Will you take the time today to connect with the people who cross your path?