Carrying the Weight of the World

 Dear friends,

 If you are like me, you may be feeling rather overwhelmed by all that is happening in the world right now. There are so many situations and issues that call for my attention, so many choices being made by those with power and money that evoke my rage at their inhumanity. The weight of all it feels like to much to bear, yet my nature is to care about all of it. My heart cries out for the people of Iran, not because I love the Iranian government, but because the people of Iran are people just like you and me, worthy of life. So are the people of Cuba, of Sudan, of Gaza, of Lebanon, of Ukraine. My compassion is stretched to a breaking point, and my ability to cope with it all feels like it cannot carry anymore.

Yet carry on we must. In these moments, the words to a song that the choir I belong to is currently rehearsing speak encouragement to me:

Don't be afraid of the dark
In your heart
You're gonna find a way
To carry the weight of the world
On your shoulders
You're gonna find a way home

(Little Blue, by Jacob Colllier)

The darkness feels so ominous, so overpowering. I can't overcome it on my own. But I can find a way to keep going, to carry the weight, to keep shining my light, small though it may be.

What keeps me going in these difficult days?

I look for the glimmers of joy, of light, of hope. I cling to them like I do to my water bottle on a summer day .(I don't add the adjective hot because that goes without saying on summer days where I live.) 

This week the Palo Verde tree outside my living room has come into bloom. It's yellow blossoms fill my patio and my home with radiant, warm energy that I soak up, even though I am quite allergic to the pollen. 

 

This week I had a dance performance and being both on and backstage with my fellow performers reminded me of the good that is in the world and the strength that comes from community. When I felt frustration after an on-stage mishap, my dear sisters surrounded me off stage afterwards and assured me of their support and care. Their love lifted me up again.

My friend and her toddler came over this morning to visit, which in and of itself fills me with joy. Added to that she presented me with a gift from a recent trip -- a hair brush that is SO me -- a reminder that I am seen, known, and loved. I will feel that love every day as I brush my hair with it.

 

These things aren't changing the world, but they lift me up and help me to continue on carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I won't try to convince you that I feel strong and hopeful every moment. I don't. But I have the power to choose how I engage with the world and what kind of energy I put into it. How can I bring light, hope, joy, and love to the world around me? One of the best things I can do when I'm feeling down or discouraged is look for opportunities to lift up someone else. Maybe it's just a small, friendly word with the clerk at my neighborhood grocery store. Maybe it's listening to a friend who needs to be heard. Maybe it's holding someone in an extended hug (virtual or physical) and reminding them of how loved and how worthy they are. Maybe it's checking in virtual or physically with someone to see how they are doing, not trying to "solve" anything, but just being present.

We can't change everything about the world on our own, but we can influence the world around us. I hope this week that you will look for and cherish those things that lift you up and, in turn, I hope you will seek those opportunities to be a person whose presence and engagement with the world around you lifts others up. In this way, we can carry the weight of the world on our collective shoulders.

 

A Safe Place to Land

 Hello world! I'm back.

After an extended absence from the blogosphere, I have decided that I do, in fact, have things worth sharing and maybe even a few people who would be interested in reading them. I launched this blog back in 2016, shortly after I came out, as a means to share my experience of transitioning with the wider world. Some may even remember those early posts. For the moment, I've taken down all my old posts, though I may review them and republish some of that earlier content. To relaunch the blog though, I want to share some thoughts that have been on my mind today.

The other evening I found myself sitting in the living room of a friend's home, watching her 2-year-old son play with a third friend who was sitting on the floor. The three of us, along with a couple of others, were hanging out, relaxing after an earlier party my friend had hosted. It was a ordinary moment. Nothing particularly interesting or consequential about it. The energy level was mellow, except for the 2-year-old who was having a great time running back and forth across the room pulling a bundle of balloons left from the party. That was the simple beauty of the moment. I was among friends in a place where I felt completely welcome, safe, and at home. There was no need to do something or be someone in particular. I could be entirely at ease with myself and my environment.

Photo by Marea Wellness on Unsplash

I've been reflecting on that today. What a gift this is, to have not only a friend who I know completely and fully welcomes and loves me for who I am, but for her house to be a space where I can experience that in a physical and emotional manner. The world right now is a challenging place, to put it mildly. There are many issues and valid reasons to feel anxious and afraid, not to mention angry and indignant. I certainly carry that burden every day, as do most (all?) of my friends. While I have many friends with whom I feel completely safe, physical spaces where I experience an innate sense of welcome and safety are much less common. My own home, of course, is such a space. But outside of my own home, I can identify only a handful of places where I can be entirely at ease. Which makes me highly grateful for the friend mentioned here and the few others whose homes are such places. I hope that my home offers a similar space to them and to any others I welcome into it.

This question of safe spaces is becoming increasingly acute for transgender individuals. We are encountering increasing resistance and active limitations to our freedom to simply exist in public spaces. There are many people who would like to erase us from society altogether, and unfortunately they have come to occupy positions of power and influence that they are now using to remove our rights and our freedoms to achieve their ends. In the face of such pressure, safe spaces are critical, and spaces where someone like me can be entirely at ease are a rare treasure.

My heart overflows with gratitude this evening to those friends who have welcomed me into their homes in such a way that I can feel such a deep, soul-refreshing sense of welcome and belonging. I hope that you, too, have such places in your life. And I invite you to create such a space for others, even if it's only a small number of people. Life is really tough right now. We need each other. Let's do what we can to be there for one another.