I am not an island -- AIDSWalk 2016

When my alarm rang at 5:00am on a Sunday morning I seriously wondered what the hell I was thinking when I signed up for a volunteer shift beginning at 6:00am on the one day a week I don’t have anything fixed on my schedule. But I pulled myself out of bed nonetheless, made myself presentable and drove downtown to help with the annual AIDS walk to raise support and awareness.  I chose to participate because I understood that the cause is important and I wanted to do what I could to support it, but I admit that I didn’t feel a strong personal connection to the issue. That changed this morning.

I know people who live with HIV. They’re not my closest friends, but in my circle of acquaintances there are definitely people whose lives are impacted by this and, therefore, so is mine. As I prepared for my volunteer role this morning I began speaking with another volunteer who became something of my partner for the event. I’ll call her Tracy. We made small talk for a while and then she asked me if I knew anyone impacted by the virus. I said that I had acquaintances but not really close friends. She then surprised me by saying that she lives with it and has since she was 18. I appreciated her openness about it and we began to talk more in depth. She allowed me to ask some questions about her experience of facing a potentially lethal disease so early in life. I was encouraged to hear that she had family support but then she mentioned that the thing she most wishes is that she had more contact with others in the community who live with it. I imagine there are such groups but, being new to the AIDS support community here I couldn’t make any specific suggestion. I did offer to stay in touch with her personally and gave her my contact information so she can follow up. I hope she does.

I felt a connection with Tracy because, as I shared with her about my own journey during the course of our conversation, she and I both face the challenge of living our lives under the burden of social stigma. She spoke of my bravery but I think she’s the brave one, for she faces life each day knowing that she carries a disease that could kill her. Worse, she has to assess whether to acknowledge this to people she interacts with because not everyone will handle it well. We don’t speak of AIDS as we do of other diseases. We have made great strides in reducing the negative social attitudes towards HIV and AIDS, but we still have so far to go. Too many people still view it with fear and suspicion and treat those who live with it as if they were unworthy of living full human lives. I can relate to that all too well, because as a transgender person I also face such attitudes in society. My interaction with Tracy throughout the morning made my involvement with and commitment to the efforts to raise HIV/AIDS awareness and support those living with it far more personal, because I understand in a way I hadn’t really before that this is part of the same fight against discrimination and against the efforts to mark those who don’t fit the standard social narrative as less human and unworthy. I want to say to Tracy and all those who live with HIV that they are loved and worthy and adequate and I want to do what I can to foster their full acceptance and support in society.

Volunteering with the walk left me encouraged, in large part because of my interaction with Tracy, but also because of the amazing community spirit I saw on display. Hundreds of volunteers got up early on a Sunday morning to come down and support this event. Along with them hundreds of walkers got up and walked the city streets to raise money and awareness. I teared up a bit as the first walkers passed through the balloon arch that marked the end of the walking route, welcomed by dozens of people applauding and cheering their involvement. The amazing diversity of the people involved in the event was simply beautiful. I’m old enough to remember when AIDS began to intrude into public awareness back in the 80’s. I remember the fear and animosity that greeted those affected by it – much of it coming from religious communities. An event like today’s would have been much different then. This year’s event marked the 28^th anniversary here in my community. I wasn’t around for that first year, but I can imagine that it was met at best with indifference and at worst with angry expressions of hatred and discrimination. We’ve come a long way from those dark days, but we still have so much farther to go, just as we have so much farther to go in accepting and affirming those who don’t conform to the typical sexual or gender narrative of society. My cause is Tracy’s cause, and I will stand with her and all those living with HIV, just as I would hope they will stand with me as a transgender woman. I hope you will stand with us as well.