Bravery

I spent most of my life watching my words carefully, striving to not say things that might cause people to dislike me. I swallowed my opinions, or expressed them with the utmost caution and lots of cushioning words to dilute their potential impact. I was so afraid of what other people would think of me, so dependent on their opinion of me that I almost never spoke boldly and openly. I hid my true self in an effort to please others.

No more.

Not that I suddenly spout off any old thing that comes into my head. But because I feel much more confident and comfortable with who I am, I can speak out of that confidence and share my thoughts and opinions. I can express myself creatively. I can be serious, or silly, or whatever mood I happen to be in at any given time, because what other people think of me doesn’t change who I am. I’d like to say it doesn’t affect me at all, but that wouldn’t be true. I do care, and I still want people to like me. But I no longer NEED them to like me to feel good about who I am.

We hear often about the bravery of soldiers, of first responders and such, and certainly they exhibit a certain form of bravery at times. But bravery is not just about courage under fire, or risking one’s life to save someone in danger. It can be simply choosing to express your true self in front of others. It can be sharing that first tentative piece of artwork, that first draft of a poem, or taking those first hesitant steps as a dancer. It can be sharing with one person something about yourself that you have always kept hidden away. Such bravery doesn’t come with medals and citations. In fact, it often comes with ridicule and abuse, or just plain indifference. But it’s bravery nonetheless, for there is no greater act of bravery than to put who you are out there for others to see. I’ve experienced this so often this past year. It’s hard. It’s scary.

I was sharing with a friend recently how, even after three years of taking dance classes, I still often feel afraid and intimidated, hesitant to get out on the dance floor. This is especially true in any new class setting. It’s a risk. I’m putting something of myself on display and others may use that opportunity to wound me. As I’ve shared before, I am thankful that my dance studio is such a positive, affirming environment, but there is still that anxiety, that uncertainty. The first day I took a modern dance class this summer I had knots in my stomach all the way to the studio and until I actually got on the dance floor and just let myself get into the rhythm of the class. Even after three years of dance and with a very supportive environment, expressing myself before others requires bravery.

The more I practice bravery, the easier it becomes – somewhat. I still have to push myself to step into new situations, to try new things, to go beyond my comfort zone. I make it a personal challenge, but honestly, sometimes I’d rather just remain in the safety of my little bubble. Heck, some days I’d just as soon not get out of bed. But I will continue to choose to be brave, to show up for my life, to share who I am with the world and accept the risk that comes with that, because in doing so I experience life and I pass life on to others. I love when I see that my small acts of bravery encourage someone else to bravely express themselves in a new way. I hope that you will do so as well!