Not ashamed

In the aftermath of last week’s election fiasco and my engagement with some of my acquaintances about the role of christians in bringing it about, I had an old acquaintance state that my lifestyle is shameful, that God didn’t make me as I am. I won’t deny that these words hurt. I’ve spent a lot of energy this past year confronting and overcoming the shame baggage that my background loaded on me. To have the word shameful thrown in my face was perhaps the most hurtful label one could use against me.

Working on confronting shame though has also helped me strengthen my shame resilience. In the light of this accusation I reminded myself of the truths I have come to understand and embrace: I am worthy of love and acceptance. I am beautiful. I am enough as I am, without having to fulfill someone else’s expectations of me. You may believe that God didn’t make me as I am, but I know I was made as I am. I fully know who I am for the first time in my life and I am not ashamed.

As for my lifestyle, I have nothing to be ashamed of here either. I do not claim to be perfect, but the core values by which I live stem from my Christian roots: to love others as myself, to do justly, to love mercy. If you want to challenge my behavior in regards to these, I will gladly and actively defend myself, and I’m confident my friends would as well. If you want to judge my life on some other criteria, well that is your right, just as it is my right to deny your judgment validity.

I used to judge people just as I was judged by my acquaintance. If you didn’t conform to my limited worldview you clearly needed to get your life straightened out. I spent most of my life avoiding people who were “different,” to my own loss. Having stepped outside the hallowed halls of a narrow American evangelical worldview I’ve found a beautiful, wonderful diversity. I’ve found life. I’ve found liberty. I have found amazing friends who demonstrate love and acceptance without regard to identity or appearance. I’m not interested in re-entering that box of judgment that limits myself and others.