I awoke this morning to the worst hangover I’ve ever had,
but it wasn’t because I drank too much last night. No, this hangover is going
to last the next four years (or at least two). I had gone to bed last night
fearful for the outcome of the election as things were not trending well, but I
tried to remain optimistic that the western states and late results would swing
things favorably. Alas, it was not to be. Enough of my fellow Americans (though
not actually a majority!) voted for a man who has consistently displayed his
disdain for minorities, for LGBTQ+ people, for immigrants, for differently-abled
people, for women, for anyone who didn’t fit a narrow definition of normal.
Whatever else they may have wanted to communicate, they communicated that we have
no place in this society from their perspective. Our rights matter not. Our
safety and well-being are irrelevant. We are not free to live our lives openly
and authentically in this country. We are not welcome here. We should cancel
all anti-bullying programs in schools immediately, because we just showed our
kids that we really think bullying is okay, at least as long as you are a
wealthy, powerful white man. I have wrestled with depression and despair since
waking up.
I have spent the past year overcoming fear, confronting my
own internal fears, daring to live authentically and openly. Now I feel an
overwhelming fear, one that feels beyond my control. I fear the laws that this
new government will try to pass to exclude me from society. I fear the laws
they will pass that will impact dear friends. I fear for the hatred that has
been given full and free voice. Yes, I am afraid. I am afraid to leave the
relatively safe nest of the city I live in. Even here I have wrestled with
feeling safe in public. How can I travel to other parts of my own country when
so many regions in it have sent the message that I am not welcome there, that I
am not acceptable? Yes, I am afraid.
But I will not give in to that fear. I will hold on to hope,
because I still believe that love conquers hate. I still believe that enough of
us are committed to creating an open, inclusive society that we will prevail. I
hold on to hope because I see the faces and hear the words of my co-workers
today who, even as they grieve along with me, assure me that I am wanted and
welcome here, that they will stand alongside me in the darkness to come. I hold
on to hope because of words like these, written by the daughter of a friend. I
believe in a better future, mostly because I have to believe, but also because
I see the rays of light, such as the workshop I attended yesterday in which
several local businesses committed their time and energy to learn how they can
create a more welcoming, equality-focused workplace for transgender people. I
think of all my wonderful friends and know that we need to support one another
now more than ever. We will need to create communities and networks of change
so that we do not allow our country to become a place of hatred and
discrimination. Together we will continue to radiate light.
As much as I want to respond to all this with hatred of my
own, I will not. I cannot. Where there is darkness, let me bring light. Where
there is hatred, let me bring love. The light shines in the darkness, and the
darkness has not overcome it. The future belongs to us.
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