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Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Holding on to Hope in the Midst of a Nightmare

I awoke this morning to the worst hangover I’ve ever had, but it wasn’t because I drank too much last night. No, this hangover is going to last the next four years (or at least two). I had gone to bed last night fearful for the outcome of the election as things were not trending well, but I tried to remain optimistic that the western states and late results would swing things favorably. Alas, it was not to be. Enough of my fellow Americans (though not actually a majority!) voted for a man who has consistently displayed his disdain for minorities, for LGBTQ+ people, for immigrants, for differently-abled people, for women, for anyone who didn’t fit a narrow definition of normal. Whatever else they may have wanted to communicate, they communicated that we have no place in this society from their perspective. Our rights matter not. Our safety and well-being are irrelevant. We are not free to live our lives openly and authentically in this country. We are not welcome here. We should cancel all anti-bullying programs in schools immediately, because we just showed our kids that we really think bullying is okay, at least as long as you are a wealthy, powerful white man. I have wrestled with depression and despair since waking up.

I have spent the past year overcoming fear, confronting my own internal fears, daring to live authentically and openly. Now I feel an overwhelming fear, one that feels beyond my control. I fear the laws that this new government will try to pass to exclude me from society. I fear the laws they will pass that will impact dear friends. I fear for the hatred that has been given full and free voice. Yes, I am afraid. I am afraid to leave the relatively safe nest of the city I live in. Even here I have wrestled with feeling safe in public. How can I travel to other parts of my own country when so many regions in it have sent the message that I am not welcome there, that I am not acceptable? Yes, I am afraid.

But I will not give in to that fear. I will hold on to hope, because I still believe that love conquers hate. I still believe that enough of us are committed to creating an open, inclusive society that we will prevail. I hold on to hope because I see the faces and hear the words of my co-workers today who, even as they grieve along with me, assure me that I am wanted and welcome here, that they will stand alongside me in the darkness to come. I hold on to hope because of words like these, written by the daughter of a friend. I believe in a better future, mostly because I have to believe, but also because I see the rays of light, such as the workshop I attended yesterday in which several local businesses committed their time and energy to learn how they can create a more welcoming, equality-focused workplace for transgender people. I think of all my wonderful friends and know that we need to support one another now more than ever. We will need to create communities and networks of change so that we do not allow our country to become a place of hatred and discrimination. Together we will continue to radiate light.

As much as I want to respond to all this with hatred of my own, I will not. I cannot. Where there is darkness, let me bring light. Where there is hatred, let me bring love. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. The future belongs to us.



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