Dear C.,
I was delighted when you reached out to connect with me on
social media recently. I had not expected to ever hear from any of my former students
again. I have always regretted that I
never had the opportunity to say good-bye to you all; never had the chance to
offer any explanation as to why I didn’t return to teach that fall, when I had
left you in May with the expectation that I would. I wonder what you all
thought of my sudden disappearance. I wonder what the school had to say about
it, if anything. I suspect they tried to hush up the whole situation. I wonder
whether the replacement they found for me in German class was any good. Surely
they couldn’t have been as much fun as my classes were! Did they ever find a
new Russian teacher?
Given the conservative religious nature of the school, I
frankly didn’t expect to hear from any of you again. I don’t exactly fit the
worldview that most of you were raised in. That was one of the school’s
concerns, that I might “corrupt” you all by introducing you to alternate ways
of life. What they didn’t realize is that I’d been doing that all along. It’s
impossible to learn another language and study the culture(s) surrounding that
language without being introduced to alternate ways of understanding and
interacting with the world. I wasn’t on a mission to “convert” you to be
transgender, or gay, or bisexual, or anything at all. I couldn’t do that even
if I wanted to, because that’s not how it happens. Had I been given the
opportunity to stay, I would have continued to teach you with the same enthusiasm
and knowledge I always had. I just would have done it from a place of
authenticity. I wouldn’t have been able to hide that from you, and when the
school told me I would have to, I knew I couldn’t stay.
When you told me that you had found my blog and been
following my journey, I was deeply touched. I can imagine a lot of possible
responses to learning that your former teacher is transgender. That you would
choose to engage with my story and to reconnect with me says a lot about you,
and greatly encourages me. I would love to have the opportunity some day to sit
down and have a long conversation over coffee, or whatever you prefer to drink.
I’m so glad that you are doing well. I had my concerns for
you when you let go of your passion for ice skating, and I’m glad you’ve found
new interests to invest yourself in. I was always amazed that you were able to
maintain your academic schedule while working out and rehearsing so intensely.
You were certainly the only student I ever had who attended class from the ice
skating arena! It was such a great pleasure to teach you and your sister. Teachers
aren’t supposed to have favorite students, but frankly, you were both always
among my favorites. I think it’s safe to acknowledge that now. Not that it
helped you any when I was grading your work! You got the same treatment that
everyone did. Are you taking any German classes at college?
I look forward to following your journey now, even as you
follow mine. I wish you all the best and am confident you will achieve your
goals, because you have focus and determination. If you are ever in Southern
Arizona, I hope you will take the chance to get together for that cup of
coffee. Give my greetings and love to your sister. I wish her all the best as
well.
Sincerely,
Frau Carmichael, but call me Andrea now. We can leave the
formality behind.
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