In my last
post, I shared my struggle with depression. I’d like to write tonight and tell
you that all is resolved, but that wouldn’t be true. However, I deeply
appreciate all who have sent words of support, encouragement, affirmation, and
recognition that I am not the only one who struggles with it. As I wrote, in
the midst of depression one of the things I feel in particular is isolated and
alone. You all helped me remember that I am not.
I am in a
better place now than I was. I have worked hard to practice good self-care. On
New Year’s Day, feeling particularly down, I decided to get outdoors and take a
walk in the beautiful sunshine. It helped so much, at least in that moment.
Today I had the opportunity to take a dance class with one of my dearest
friends, who is also an amazing dance teacher, while she was in town for a
visit. Although my schedule made it really tight, I’m so glad I made the time
for it. Getting back to dance class reminds me how much dance helps me stay
centered and healthy, both mentally and physically.
I also made
time to see my therapist. Yes, I see a therapist, though I had taken a break
for a while. This too can be seen as something shameful to admit, but I am glad
I did it. Talking with her was very helpful. I appreciate the friends who
strongly encouraged me to take this step, as I had hesitated due to the cost.
Sometimes you have to set that issue aside and do what you need to take care of
yourself.
I’ve also
had opportunity to connect again with several friends. I cannot overemphasize
the importance of connection with other people. Without that, I’d truly be in a
dark place. The lack of that in the past month was part of what spurred this
depression, and the renewal of good connection is helping to lift it. We’re not
meant to deal with life totally on our own. I want to share the words I spoke
in the November Female Storytellers show. They are appropriate here as well:
“Often we
don’t comprehend the impact of our involvement with others in our lives. The
smallest action, the simplest deed, the most basic word of affirmation, can be
life-transforming. Persisting in the face of adversity [or depression] requires
not only personal strength. It requires the strength of community. We matter to
one another, and we need to express that to those around us regularly. We are
told we need to be strong, independent women, and I totally agree with that. But
strength isn’t just internal. Strength comes from being connected to others. It
comes from asking for help when we need it, and offering it when able. We are
not in this alone. I stand before you tonight because someone stood with me
when I needed it, not just that September weekend, but many times. I want to return
that gift to others. I hope each of us will give that gift to those around us.
We don’t have to persist alone. We’re not meant to persist alone. Our strength
is in connection and community.”
I haven’t
beat depression. Maybe I never will, but I will try to be honest about what I’m
feeling and reach out for help when I need it. I don’t want to hide this issue
any more.
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