The Happening

The following is not my story, but a friend graciously allowed me to share it with you.

The Happening

I went to a wedding tonight. I went to a wedding that no one is supposed to know about. The couple - you might know them, that they are madly in love - you can know that, that they intended to be wed – you can know that too, but that it happened tonight, that really is a private matter.

It was In the middle of the week, a lousy one no less, stressful, with car repairs, bills that need paying, full of the details that bear down on a couple when money is tight and the world is unstable.

It happened on a Wednesday, after work, for both of them, knee deep in the banalities of everyday life, no time off was taken, no hair appointments were made, no parents were present, no after-party was thrown, no dresses were worn and no one was invited. It was something - of course it was something, but for all intents and purposes we'd like to call it a ‘non-event’. It was just a tiny bit bigger than something that didn’t happen at all, because it happened, of course it happened and deny it, we won't, should we be asked about it, but we’d really rather not be.

It's not the kind of wedding you would have had, or I would have had and it's not the kind of wedding they would have had either. It was certainly not the meaningful event they had been planning. It had been a year since they had selected the date and begun planning almost six months ago. Things were going to be right then, on November 10th 2017. One was going to be finished with school after six years, the other, more financially stable and solid in a newly promoted position; they would be free of their lease and moved to a better home. That, they felt, was the time for them to marry.

Things changed. They suddenly felt subject to the unexpected, pressured, even forced into their own wedding. So they had it tonight, on a Wednesday of all things, in February, after work, rushed and quiet, as insignificant and forgettable as possible, because it was robbing them of something, this event, a manifest to their difference and to the fear they‘d been feeling, that they had tried so much not to admit to themselves. This day was the perilous result of facing their truths, admitting their injuries, a lack of safety and a profound defenselessness.

Why? Why now? Because their twin souls are both housed in female bodies. That is why. That is why they felt forced to admit that they may already be assigned to the other side of a dividing line that was drawn without their consent or approval, why they may already belong to a segregated group, apart from where you live and separate from where I live. As anomaly is defined, so is convention and you and I live there, coddled and cradled by the comforts that come with being of the mainstream, normal and regular… and we did absolutely nothing to earn it, did we? Did we?

They could not be sure - that is why. A campaign based on xenophobia, misogyny, racism, and homophobia was won and after only two weeks in the chair, the new authority has proven that campaign promises were far from empty and that nothing that was once sure can be sure any longer. They could not be sure that the freedoms available to them now would still be within reach come November 10th - their intended wedding day, the day of the wedding they wanted to have, the day of the wedding they deserved to have.

This is where we are now. Our friends are rushing into marriages because they don't know how much longer they will be free, and free is the word, to openly love the loves of their lives. Two months ago, this is not where we were. But this, and it’s time to own it, this is where we are now.

They struggled. They struggled so much, with the decision of whether to get married now, whether to allow fear and insecurity to be the driving force into their matrimony. All those that love them had circled the November date for months, and the reason that none of them got to be there tonight is that their love is too precious, too precious and too important to be poured onto this day, this wedding no one wanted to have and this special occasion no one asked for.

No, the November reception is still happening, just like it was meant to, on the day they had chosen, the day that is theirs, just like they had dreamed. This is the only day that deserves the precious love of their friends.

Today was an ordinary Wednesday, a day like any other. Everyone went to work and everyone will go to work tomorrow. Somewhere in the day, a marriage license was signed and a few champagne glasses clinked together, but it doesn't give bigotry, xenophobia, misogyny, and racism any power over us. It doesn’t. It won’t.

We are no different. We are here, we are in love, and while they may have some influence on the date we file some paper work, they have no influence on this love of ours. Never. None.