This is Me

I watched The Greatest Showman in the theater the other night, and absolutely loved it. Yes, I had to put aside a number of issues to appreciate the movie, but the music and the choreography entranced me from the opening scene. I am thrilled to see Hollywood revive the musical as a form of cinema.

If you haven’t seen it, obviously I highly recommend it. Ostensibly it portrays the life of P.T. Barnum. Put that aside. If you are a historical purist, this is not the film for you. Enjoy it for the spectacle and the pageantry. Let the passion of the music and dancing sweep you away.

I also had to set aside the strictly heterosexual romance plots in the film. If you’re hetero yourself, they won’t bother you. If you’re not, like me, you’ll again be disappointed that a film fails to make any bold forays into portraying relationships that do not rotate around a standard male-female axis. Someday we’ll enjoy films in which the romantic plot elements are open to any and all forms of romantic expression. Sigh.

I wanted to see this film above all because of one of the songs from it that someone shared with me. This song expresses one of the central themes of the film: the celebration of diversity and difference, and the courage of embracing who one is. Admittedly, this represents a very positive take on what could also legitimately be interpreted as the exploitation of those whom society views as abnormal. That perspective should not be lost, but in this specific context I appreciate that the director of the movie chose to frame this as a celebration rather than a critique.

Entitled This is Me, the song brought me to tears the first time I listened to it. A week later, having listened to it more times than most people could tolerate, it still moves me powerfully. I hear my own journey reflected in the lyrics:

I am not a stranger to the dark
“Hide away,” they say
“Cause we don’t want your broken parts.”
I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars
“Run away,” they say
“No one’ll love you as you are.”

How often have I felt this way? How often have I believed this lie? How much time did I spend hiding away? But, like the members of Barnum’s circus, I will no longer live in the darkness. I will no longer be ashamed of who I am. I will take the risk to live openly and freely. I will celebrate my uniqueness, not hiding my scars, not living in shame any longer. I know who I am.

I am brave
I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be
This is me

Of course there are still those in society who want to hide us away, who want to tell us we’re not allowed to be who we are. I’ve had the word “abomination” thrown at me. I’ve read the comments that say all sorts of horrible things about people like me. I am not an abomination. My identity is not something shameful. I am, as the song boldly shouts, “glorious.” I reject the lie that no one will love me as I am, that I am unworthy of being loved. I know that is not true.

And I know that I deserve your love
Because there’s nothing I’m unworthy of

Some people see difference and diversity as threats. They fear that affirming my right to exist, to live, to enjoy full and equal rights in society, undermines the societal order. Embracing diversity does require change. It requires a recognition that there are multiple perspectives and multiple ways to be human. It requires affirming the beauty in the full range of expression of our humanity. Is it scary to change one’s thinking? Sure, it can be. But it’s not too much to ask in order that everyone can live full, open and meaningful lives. If someone is uncomfortable with who I am, that’s their problem, not mine, and their problem doesn’t entitle them to force me back into the darkness. That time is past.

So look out, cause here I come
I'm marching on to the beat I drum 
I’m not scared to be seenI make no apologiesThis is me.