Grateful for Community

I took the step at the beginning of last month of writing about my need to undergo gender confirmation surgery, a step which took me outside of my comfort zone, as I shared at the time. It’s not easy to make oneself that vulnerable. Informing you of that decision made me uncomfortable. Asking you to help make it possible made me even more so. I don’t find it easy to ask for help. I want to be a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman. I want to give to others, not need them to give to me. My family upbringing inculcated this in me, as did my background in American cultural with the value it places on rugged individualism. We’re not supposed to need help. We’re supposed to do it all ourselves. I even had a woman in the local transgender community call me out for asking for help, saying that this was a private matter I should take care of myself.

I passionately disagree.

This past month showed me (again!) the amazing strength of community. As I have opened up about my need, you have all amazed me by your words and actions of support. You have given money toward my surgery, and I am profoundly grateful for every contribution. I still have a long way to go, but believe I will reach my goal. But it’s not just about the money. It’s about the powerful reminder that I am part of a community that cares for me, that loves me, that is there for me when I need help. Last Saturday I enjoyed an evening of dance with many of you. With others, it’s lunch together, a phone call, or even just a text message or a note on Facebook. These connections sustain me, more than you may realize.

We need connection. Even the most introverted of us (which does not describe me) needs connection with other people. We are not meant to live in isolation. Without diminishing the importance of taking ownership of our individual lives, I am convinced that we are meant to live interconnected with others. We are meant to need one another, to help one another, to be there for each other. We suffer when we don’t have that community. When we need help and don’t ask for it, we rob our friends of the opportunity to express their love for us. It’s not selfish to ask for help. It’s human.

I could not take this journey I am on without my friends. I could not. I would not have the strength to see it through. One of my fears, as I have confided to a couple friends, is facing the actual surgery and recovery time alone. They have assured me that this will not happen. How can I adequately express my gratitude for friends who promise to be by my side through such a life-changing transformation?

I can do this: I can pay it forward. I can be there for others, even as they are here for me. I’m not just in this to receive. I’m here to give, whatever I am able at any particular time. I trust that my friends know I will be there for them, just as they are there for me when I need them. What that looks like will vary depending on the situation. But I’m connected in community, and being in community means supporting one another. I am SO grateful for everyone who is supporting me, not just on this particular step of my journey, but in my life. I am a very, very blessed woman.