A Brave New Spiritual World

Recently my friend Bethany presented me with a delightful gift: my first tarot deck. She and I had been talking earlier in the week about oracle cards and tarot decks and she offered to loan me a book she had found helpful in learning about tarot, an offer I gratefully and gladly received. Then she surprised me with the gift of my first deck – the very deck I had told her had captivated my interest for some time with its amazing images. I feel like a child to whom a vast treasure chest has been opened. I hardly know where to begin, but am so eager to dive in deep.

Coming from an evangelical Christian background, I have had to set aside a lot of baggage just to reach this point of exploring tarot. It fell under a strong taboo because it dealt with the occult. It reeked of Satan and dabbling in it was a step on the road to hell. Numerous other spiritual practices received the same judgment. I would not have considered touching these practices because in my mind they were associated with false religions, and all false religions were ultimately of the Devil. I was committed to the narrow way that would lead me to heaven. Although I would not have acknowledged it for most of my life, my religious beliefs were saturated with and driven by fear: fear of displeasing god, fear of missing “god’s will,” fear of straying from “the narrow path,” fear of exploring new and different spiritual expressions. Fear.

As I wrote 18 months ago, I no longer claim to be a Christian. I no longer adhere to the teachings of the Bible, nor consider it to be anything more than a collection of religious writings reflecting certain views of the divine-human encounter. I find that the Christian worldview, particularly as practiced in the United States at present, does not satisfy my spiritual understanding. But I am still a spiritual person.

I don’t hold to any specific set of beliefs about the divine. In fact, any religious or spiritual practice that carefully and narrowly delineates and defines what is “correct” spiritual belief and practice inherently repels me at this point. I’m tired of trying to live within a set of rules defined by someone else, claiming that it represents the divine order. What I value are approaches to spirituality that offer tools to help me connect with my inner self, with the goddess within me and the divine energy within the universe. Tarot is one such tool. Contrary to the impression I received about it in my former life, it doesn’t predict what will happen to me. It doesn’t even tell me what I must do. It stimulates my reflection. It takes me inside myself to help me make my own decisions and act on them. It functions very similar to what prayer and the bible used to do for me, without the pressure of having to determine and follow “god’s will.” I must take ownership of my life and the choices I make. The tarot only provides suggestions and guidance for what various choices may bring into my life. I have so much to learn, and my understanding at present is still so basic that I may well look back on these words later and laugh at how simplistic they are. But this is a profound step for me.

There are other areas I want to explore as well. I appreciate the friends who have come into my life, bringing a diverse set of spiritual understandings and practices. I want to learn from you. I want to explore your practices and see how they fit into my spirituality. I welcome invitations and opportunities to join you. I don’t want to force my way in, nor do I want anyone to try to persuade me that their particular spirituality is THE right one. I’ve had enough of that already. My sense of being completely ignorant of other spiritualities hinders me from boldly stepping out, but I sincerely want to learn. What I value in any religious or spiritual practice is the extent to which it enables me/us to connect with our inner selves, to affirm our inherent worth and dignity as divine beings, to find and share wisdom, and to incorporate all this into the way we view and interact with one another.

I look forward to setting out on my spiritual journey. This too is an act of courage for me. I’m not used to making my own course. I’m used to reading, listening and applying the teachings of others to my life as I try to follow the narrow path. I’m now in a brave new spiritual world. I appreciate all those who, like Bethany, offer tools, resources and wisdom to assist me along the way. I accept that in the end, I must take responsibility for myself and create my own path. There will be mistakes, failures and missteps along the way, but it’s all part of the process of learning and growing. Let the adventure begin!