Proud to be LGBTQ

A transgender sister posted this story on Facebook recently in which the author, who self-identifies as a gay man, expresses his dissatisfaction with the LGBTQ designation. I see some of his point, such as when he says: “This [the LGBT] community does not exist….LGBT isn’t a club I’m in.” Certainly it does not exist as a monolithic block of people who share all the same characteristics, any more than, say, the “evangelical community” is a monolithic block. Any time we group people under a label we ignore that which they do not have in common in order to emphasize what they do have in common. It would be a mistake to assume that all individuals within a group agree on everything, or even that they all like each other. This does not mean that they do not share some element or elements that are particular to them.

This author suggests that the one thing those united under the LGBTQ banner share is the letter V, for victim. He insists that we should not view ourselves as victims, and in this I agree in general, though in reality we often still are because we do still face the challenges of marginalized people. Those challenges vary from one group to another and from one individual in a group to another. A white gay man living in San Francisco is going to have a very different experience and perspective on the practical aspects of living his identity than a transgender woman of color living in a rural town in the deep South.

And this is where I think the author’s fatal flaw, and my greatest critique of his article, lies. Based on what he writes he lives in a context that is relatively safe, in which his “gayness” is simply a part of who he is and doesn’t create any particular obstacles to his life. He optimistically writes: “It’s desperately important…to keep repeating the message that growing up as gay will not mean having to face isery and persecution; that everything’s getting better fast; that we’re winners now.” Therefore, he concludes, he feels no identification with others in the LGBTQ rainbow whose experiences are still those of marginalization, discrimination, abuse, rejection and violence. He certainly has the freedom to feel that way, but it’s a pretty shitty way to treat others who are not “winners” yet. Just because you have obtained all the rights, privileges and acceptance that you desire doesn’t entitle you to abandon others who are still struggling for their basic rights. Just because, for example, same-sex couples now have the legal recognition of marriage throughout the United States, doesn’t make it okay for them to throw transgender people under the bus when they seek the basic right to live openly and freely in society.

Being part of the LGBTQ community for me is not about identifying with everything every other member of that community represents. I’m not gay. I’m not bisexual. I can’t identify with those perspectives at all on a personal, experiential level. Just because I’m transgender doesn’t mean I am close friends with every other transgender person. The dynamics of interpersonal relationships still exist even within the queer community. What being part of the LGBTQ community does mean for me is that I will stand alongside my brothers, sisters and non-conforming others (we need a good summary word for that) in our fight for equality within society and before the law. It means that, while I may not be particularly close to that transgender woman who lives across town and might not even enjoy sitting down to coffee with her, I will vigorously defend her right to be herself and will protect her to the fullest extent I am able when she is being persecuted. Just because I am fortunate to have found acceptance and support in my identity doesn’t entitle me to ignore and abandon those who have not. This is what community means.

So I disagree with this author. I am proud to carry the LGBTQ banner, to identify as part of this community. It’s a loose coalition of disparate elements, but until the day when we are all free to live as who we are in society without fear of violence, discrimination, abuse and rejection  I see a need to stand together and fight for that which unites us and I will use the LGBTQ label to help bring us together.